The primary focus of a child custody dispute is to provide a child with a sense of being safe and secure emotionally during a time of uncertainty through the court’s scheduling and legal format (i.e., which parent has rights, responsibilities, visitation rights, etc.). Although there are many factors that the courts will take into account prior to making the final decision on who gets custody of the child, the emotional stability aspect becomes one of the most critical factors considered during a custody dispute.
This is due to the fact that the emotional well-being of the child is innately connected to the environment in which the child was raised. In order for children to develop trust, confidence, and a feeling of safety, they must rely on consistent emotional support. This can often be compromised when the child is faced with daily conflict and/or unstable and/or non-consistent emotional surroundings. The way in which children respond to emotive stress will vary depending on the severity of the stress and/or whether the child has developed proper patterns to cope with these situations.
As a result, some children may become anxious or withdrawn; some may display signs of anger, confusion, or other changes in the child’s typical pattern of behavior; and some children may have difficulty expressing their emotions. Therefore, emotional stability should not just be viewed as a personal attribute in a custody dispute; it is also directly correlated to the child’s mental and emotional development.
What Emotional Stability Really Means in Parenting?
Being an emotionally stable parent does not require a parent to be stress-free, calm under pressure all of the time, or perfect in every way. All parents have experienced frustration, sadness, exhaustion, and emotional difficulty at some point in time. It is how a parent deals with their own emotions, as well as how consistently a child feels emotionally safe in that relationship, that matters most.
Emotionally stable parenting generally consists of presenting predictable behaviours, displaying healthy communication patterns, having patience with children, and being able to separate the parents’ personal conflicts from a child’s emotional needs. When parents can provide comfort, keep to routines, manage stress without extreme emotional reactions or acting out violently, and create an atmosphere where children can freely share their thoughts and feelings, it will help to promote their children’s emotional well-being.
In custody proceedings, courts and mental health professionals will often evaluate whether a parent will be able to help support their child emotionally once separated from the other parent due to a contentious divorce or custody dispute. For instance, will the parent be able to communicate with their child without placing an emotional burden upon their child? Will they be able to encourage their child’s relationship with their other parent when appropriate?
In a given stressful situation, can children manage their feelings of anger or hostility or limit their impulsive reactions? This information is critical because many children are emotionally sensitive, and even if they are not the object of the current conflict, they are often highly attuned to the emotional environment around them.
How Emotional Instability Affects Children?
There are many ways that a child may exhibit symptoms of emotional distress when he/she has been subjected to continued emotional instability. These include anxiety, fear of upsetting one parent, excessive responsibility, withdrawal from other people and activities, to name just a few. Some examples of how this can manifest are through difficulties sleeping, concentrating, or performing at school, changes in mood and/or behaviour.
One of the major concerns when dealing with child custody cases, in which there are high levels of parental conflict, is that children begin to feel like they are emotionally stuck in the middle of two parents. Pressure to choose between parents, hide their feelings, and/or be the emotional caretaker of those around them can all contribute to this feeling. Ultimately, over time, there can be damage to how children feel about themselves, their sense of safety, and their emotional development.
Additionally, emotional instability can also impact how children relate to others in their future relationships. An individual who has grown up in a home where there was a lot of emotional instability may experience difficulties later on in their life with establishing trust with others, communicating effectively, regulating their emotions, or coping with conflict. For this reason, custody evaluations usually look at both immediate parental issues, as well as what type of emotional stability will be created for the child in the long run.
Emotional instability can also exist without being outwardly apparent or loud, such as being manifested through chronic emotional tension, being manipulative, inconsistency, being emotionally unavailable, extreme emotional responses when upset, or the ability to maintain the child’s needs at a higher priority than their own conflicts. Children may show/moderate this on the outside while silently carrying the weight of emotional stress internally.
The Role of Forensic Mental Health Evaluations
For complicated custody cases, forensic psychiatrists can provide valuable insight into family dynamics, how each parent is parenting, and what the child needs emotionally. Forensic mental health assessments are not intended to identify one parent as being “good” or the other as being “bad.”
The purpose of forensic mental health assessments is to create an objective and well-balanced view of the emotional environment of the child. In a forensic mental health assessment, a forensic evaluator will assess patterns of communication, how the parents relate to each other as parents to the child, how both parents are emotionally functioning, and the relationships of family members to the child. Information is collected from various sources, including interviews with the parents and child, direct observation of both parents and the child, the documents, and relevant psychological testing.
An important part of the forensic mental health assessment is to determine how emotionally safe and supported the child feels. Evaluators will examine how the parents handle conflict, whether the parents maintained emotional boundaries with one another and with the child, and how the parents responded to the child’s needs for emotional support when the child was experiencing stress. The evaluator will also observe whether or not there are indications that a child may internalize adult conflicts inappropriately.
In certain cases, children may be caught in the middle of their parents’ continuing conflict, creating undue pressure or emotional turmoil as a result of loyalty conflicts or ongoing tension. It is important for courts to have an understanding of the emotional dynamics surrounding the situation when attempting to determine what will best protect the safety and welfare of the child. Evaluations regarding these issues require a high level of sensitivity, as family dynamics can be quite complex.
Just because someone is experiencing emotional struggles does not mean they are unfit to be a parent. The emphasis/concern will typically be on behaviour patterns, emotional functioning, willingness to provide for the child’s needs, and the overall emotional climate in which the child is living.
Protecting the Emotional Well-Being of the Child
The foundation of safety, love, and emotional support for children is often found through emotional stability between their parents or caregivers. When conflict or emotional tension occurs between parents or caregivers, it creates stress in children’s lives and can have an impact on their emotional well-being. Children should not have the burden of responsibility to manage or solve an adult conflict or emotional problem.
They should have the opportunity to have healthy relationships with other people, express their feelings openly, and be able to grow up in an environment that is loving and nurturing and gives them the feeling of safety. The emotional quality of home life will vary from month to month, week to week, and day-to-day.
Most children who grow up in homes with high levels of emotional well-being will still have periods of stress, disagreements, and difficult times. The most important part of making sure this occurs in your child is to be able to respond to them consistently with an awareness of their emotional state and with an understanding of how to provide an emotionally safe experience for them.
The custody award may impact the emotional development of children for many years after the custody award has been made. Therefore, it is very important to maintain considerations of emotional stability in any custody case so that children have the opportunity to develop resiliency, self-confidence, trust, and the ability to develop healthy relationships later in life.
During a legal disagreement, many adults tend to focus on the accusations against each other, the frustration they feel during the process, and their ultimate desire to win their case. However, the most relevant question of all, relating to the future well-being of each child, is what type of environment can best support and foster the emotional development, safety, and long-term potential of a child?